Breastfeeding

My breast feeding journey at the start wasn’t easy, but I am so glad that I persevered and we are still feeding seven months on! Charlie took a wee while to get going but he hasn’t looked back, he is one hungry baby who never stops feeding!

I had always wanted to breastfeed as my mum had fed me and I wanted to try too. I also knew it was the most natural way to instantly bond with my baby and give them all the nutrients they would need at the various stages of their early life. Then once Charlie was diagnosed I also had the added incentive that the surgeon said breast feeding, if possible, would be kinder on Charlie’s bowel and help with protecting him against infections.

Before Charlie was moved to the Royal, he hadn’t fed much from me so to make sure my milk came in, I had to start expressing right away. I borrowed a pump from the Ulster and then when I moved into the Barbour ward borrowed a pump there too. My mum then bought me a double electric pump so that I would have my own which was a godsend.

As I mentioned in a previous post, Charlie was firstly fed expressed milk from a bottle. I would constantly try to latch him on and if he wouldn’t then he got small amounts from a bottle to see how much he could tolerate at one time.

On the Thursday after Charlie was born, I felt helpless. He was now 4days old and I still hadn’t got his feeding established. My milk also hadn’t come in fully and so I was only getting very small amounts when expressing. I worried it would be too late to get him feeding and was panicking. I was at my lowest point in the hospital, was feeling the baby blues and felt totally alone in the hospital.

I had joined a FaceBook group for Breast feeding support and so I reached out to the ladies from this page. Instantly messages of support and encouragement flooded through. I was also given contact details for a number of ladies who could help and advise me further and also a midwife, Margaret, who covers the Royal, came to see me. She was so amazing; she instantly put me at ease. She helped me get Charlie latched properly, showed me various positions, gave me tips on how to get him to stay awake when feeding and came back three days in a row to see how I was getting on.  I remember she said that once my milk came in that I would know. Well oh my, I suddenly knew when I woke up like Pamela Anderson and had to start expressing instantly for relief!

I kept going and almost a week after Charlie was born, something just clicked, and our breastfeeding journey began.

In the early days I was exhausted, tasks like getting a shower seemed almost impossible. As a new mum I didn’t know what to do with Charlie, if I put him the in cot he cried and I couldn’t leave him crying but he was too tiny for the small bouncy chair we had. Housework was non-existent so I relied on Davy to help and I was so glad that I had pre-cooked food before Charlie had arrived.

I also struggled with the notion that I couldn’t plan my day, that I had no control over what I would be doing or how my day would unfold. Anyone who knows me knows I am super organised and to begin with this stressed me out. I had to let go and just go with the flow. Some days were better than others, I could be super organised, housework done, dinner on, Charlie fed and dressed, other days Davy would come home at lunch time to me still in my pj’s with no notion of what was for tea!

The health visitor came to visit once we got discharged and although Charlie dropped his birth weight slightly, by the following week he had gained 11ozs! The weight continued to go on which was a relief as then I knew I was feeding him enough. I went with the advice of responsive feeding, so when Charlie gave the cues he was hungry we fed. Due to cluster feeding, I was so sore, I had to use nipple shields, compresses and creams all the time. Eventually things calmed down and it didn’t hurt just as much.

Due to the constant feeding, I began to get paranoid that my supply wasn’t good enough. I felt that he had to work for more milk in the evenings, so again I reached out the ladies on the breastfeeding FaceBook page and was given ways of boosting my supply. I bought Fenugreek tablets, made lactation cookies, drank gallons of water and ate loads of protein. Maybe it was psychological but I felt that once again my supply was enough for my demanding baby boy.

Since the early weeks, we have got into a fairly good routine; don’t get me wrong some days are still better than others! At times getting us both ready to go out anywhere seems like a mammoth task and in the middle of it, Charlie will want fed. He also still tends to feed a lot more during the evenings and night, meaning I am still up every 2hours!

Feeding in public never worried me, I was determined to feed anywhere. However, I was very nervous the first time I was out alone, but I just used my nursing cover and it went fine.

We have had lots of highs and some lows during our breastfeeding journey though. I will openly admit that it has been mentally challenging as it is so demanding but equally some of my favourite moments with Charlie are feeding him and watching as he becomes milk drunk.

I’ve also had some epic fails when feeding such as spraying milk everywhere when Charlie would come off mid feed, forgetting to put breast pads in my bra and going out to then realise I have leaked onto my top and feeling wonderfully free and finally working out I haven’t reattached my nursing bra!

My low point always seemed to be at night time. I found during the nights it was lonely and I could hear Davy snoring in our cosy bed when all I craved was sleep! I also felt that by feeding Charlie, I was the only one looking after him for the majority of the time. If he cried, it was generally for a feed, there was nothing Davy or anyone else could do to help me.   

Although I still at times feel tied by feeding Charlie, I haven’t really been apart from Charlie aside from when he was in hospital; I will admit that I love feeding him.

I used to sit up in the nursery and feed him and then lift him back into the cot in our room. Around 5months Charlie went through the sleep regression and instead of wakening about 2-3 times a night, would waken around 6-7 times a night. I was exhausted, and with the support of my husband we tried co-sleeping. I made sure I followed safe guidelines for co-sleeping, and we instantly loved it. Charlie would feed and latch off and be asleep within 10 minutes of a feed, I was finally getting sleep again.

After 2months of co-sleeping, I started to panick that when Charlie could roll, what if I didn’t hear him and he rolled off the bed. I moved the cot into the nursery and again tried to sit up and feed him. However, Charlie began wakening even more, so I was getting less sleep again.

Everyone knows getting sleep is an absolute game changer for your mood and ability to cope with the next day! So, we moved the cot back into our room, but removed one of the sides as it eventually becomes a cot bed. I now feed Charlie in bed and move him into his cot where he sleeps all night. We have even reduced the amount of night feeds to around 4-5.

My goal was 6months feeding, that goal has now been met and exceeded. At 6months, I decided to start trying to introduce a bottle to give me a break and ensure Charlie could be left with the grandparents if we dared have a rare night out! It hasn’t gone too well! Charlie mainly chewed on the teat of the bottle, pushed the bottle out of his mouth and cried hysterically a lot!

My mum bought me a Nuk bottle with latex teats and it was looking more promising. He was sucking slightly and then would go back to chewing. I had been trying to introduce a bottle every day, sometimes 2-3 times in one day, but he only took two 90ml bottles for me in about six weeks of trying!

Another factor that was making me want to wean Charlie was the appearance of teeth! Yep that’s right, at 14weeks Charlie had two teeth and they just keep coming. By 6months, Charlie had eight teeth! I haven’t really been bitten too much, more little nips when he’s coming off or distracted during a feed!

I’ve given up introducing bottles, and every so often I just give him a cup with water during his wee meal times. Although he tends to let any water he gets just trickle down his chin! I’ve decided that for now breastfeeding is still the best thing for Charlie so I’m just going to keep going.

I don’t know how long I will still be feeding Charlie for but with the possibility that someday soon he may self wean, as he is starting to take solids, I am just enjoying our feeds while they last.

Recently I got a couple of comments that to be honest shocked me and annoyed me! Comments along the lines of; “You should have taken the easy route and bottle fed”, “He’ll not starve if you leave him with someone and get a break”.

When I was chatting with my mum about it, we both agreed that it is shocking how many people thinks it is fine to comment and advise a breastfeeding mum on when she should stop, wean off the boob, get a ‘break’. Yet, no breastfeeding mum that I’ve ever spoken to judges or advises mums who bottle feed. Why do people think they have the right to comment!

Anyway, I am so proud of myself for still feeding Charlie and thankfully I have a very supportive family and extended family on my husband’s side. I’ve also made some lovely breastfeeding friends at the baby sensory and mums and tots groups I attend with Charlie who understands the highs and lows of Breastfeeding.

#sorrynotsorry

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